雅思写作语言提升利弊分析

每一篇烤鸭亲笔书写的作文，都值得更好地修饰和利用。而且这比单纯地欣赏别人的范文更加有意义。就像一个艺术家一样，亲自雕琢自己的作品。从而更清楚自己的问题和潜在的提升空间。多看这类作文升级系列文章会让烤鸭们更清楚地看到自己的问题，并不是大家写不好，往往都是因为想不到，导致内容不够细致用词不够恰当。为此，老师特地总结一些典型的学生例文和修改意见，帮助烤鸭尽快修改自己的作品。

例题：12-12-01

More and more companies are allowing employees to work at home.

Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

完成时间36分钟

提纲:

好处：更自由，更好的工作质量

不好：不便于管理，浪费时间

开头：

学生版：

In modern times, the staffs are allowed to work at home in an increasing amount of companies. However, this policy has both positive and negative impacts.

教师修改版：

In modern times with rapidly-developing technology in communications, the staffs are allowed to work at home in an increasing amount of companies. However, this policy has both positive and negative impacts.(31)

主体1：

学生版：

The obvious argument in its favor is that to work at home gives more freedom to the employees. They can work whenever they want, and wherever they like. Therefore, they can make their work efficiency faster, even have better working quality. Thus, to work at home can bring better work quality for the company, also can make the staffs have a good enough break.

教师修改版：

The obvious argument in its favor is that to work at home gives employees much more freedom than working in an office. They can work whenever they want, and wherever they like, which may mean a higher working efficiency and even a better working quality. This contributes a lot not only to a company in making profits, but also to its employees in enjoying enough breaks or improving their satisfaction with the job.(74)

主体2:

学生版：

Nevertheless, to work at home is not easy to manage the employees. The employees work at home, and the managers cannot supervise their working condition. In addition, some emergency or issues cannot be solved immediately. Along with some staffs not working attentively, it is difficult for the managers to know that. Besides, working at home can really waste time, which means that not all the people are working with devotion while there are indeed some persons who work with half-minded. Therefore, to work at home is to give them time to enjoy, while when they realize that the deadline of their work is coming, they will not pay much more attention to them, just finishing it without any care. Thus, the quality of work will dramatically go down, which will bring the company bad influences.

教师修改版：

Nevertheless, to work at home is not easy to for a corporation to manage the employees who work at home, because the managers cannot supervise their working condition and progress. In addition, some emergency or issues cannot be solved immediately. Along with some staffs not working attentively, it is difficult for the managers to realize/notice the situation. Besides, working at home can really waste time, given that not all the people are working with devotion while there are indeed some persons who work with only half-minded. In other words, to work at home is to give them time to enjoy what is out of work, while when they realize the coming deadline, they will not pay much more attention to dealing with work, just finishing it without any care. Thus, the quality of work will dramatically go down, which will bring the company bad influences.(123)

结论：

学生版

From my point of view, to work at home will impact the companies in negative way, therefore, to work in the company is more suitable for the employees.

教师修改版

From my personal point of view, to work at home will impact the companies in a more negative way. Therefore, to work in the office space is more suitable for both the firms and the employees.

通过以上对比我们不难发现，一篇习作是值得深度挖掘和改进的，这样才对自己的进步更有帮助。该系列文章还会陆续上线，希望领悟到真谛的你持续关注。